The Importance of Failure

No one likes to be wrong. In fact, if everyone had their way all the time, there would be no losing. No one wants to fail, in school, in life, in anything. The F-word is avoided at all costs. Though the drive to succeed is consequential, the harsh reality is we can’t all win all the time. Success has become an expectation rather than a goal. Students and parents will do all it takes to succeed, regardless of the lengths they have to go. Parents will even go so far as to do their child’s work. Students are willing to sacrifice their integrity for a good grade. But what does one learn from this expectation to uphold perfection at all times?

“We all make mistakes, it’s part of being a human.” Counselor Karrie Jarratt said.

Though making a mistake does not constitute failure, our generation has begun to see anything less than perfection as failing. Failure is hard for everyone, though it is particularly hard for high achieving students. In fact, the idea of success has even become detrimental to a student’s mental health. Though one may make it through high school without a “fail”, everyone is bound to meet their match in college; and when they do, many do not know how to cope. These students who have been the best all their lives are finally pitted against their equals. They are no longer the best and many do not understand how to deal with this unfamiliar territory. Their self-esteem suffers and their spirit is crushed. In fact, just this last year, a young student attending Upenn committed suicide because she was so stressed over her grades. The inability to cope with mistakes has gotten so bad that many Ivy Leagues have created programs to help their students. Programs such as The Resilience Project at Stanford University and Effortless Perfectionism at Princeton University are working to improve student’s relationships with failure and self-esteem. Students at Highland, especially those in AP or IB classes, are experiencing these same pressures to succeed.

“The biggest pressure I feel with IB is that if I fail I’ve not only failed high school but I’ve also failed a good opportunity to receive college credit in high school, it feels like double the pressure,” senior Sierra Hansen said.

This kind of pressure paired with the workload in IB or AP classes can take a toll on students. Highland encourages good grades and involvement with school, as any academic environment should. But at what cost should a perfect schedule and GPA be pushed? A balance between academic achievement and improvement should be encouraged. Often learning from a failure or mistake is the best way to improve, not keeping a perfect track record.

“I know how it feels to fail, and because of those failures I’ve learned that I never want to feel like that again, failure is a motivator for me as well,” Hansen said.

Failure is something students should not be afraid of. Instead, students should understand how to learn from their failures. This idea of learning and improvement is what should be encouraged by our administration, teachers and peers, not the concept of perfection. Though for parents, it can be hard to watch their child fail, with the undeniable instinct to protect their children, it is often very hard to let their children struggle. Allowing children to fail and encouraging “getting back up and trying again” is often said, but ignored by parents.

“I think the hardest thing I’ve ever done is allow my kids to make mistakes, as a parent you never want your kids to have to suffer” Jarratt said.

Jarratt experienced first hand allowing her child to fail and learn from the experience when her oldest daughter was in her freshmen year of college. Jarrett’s daughter wrote a paper in college and used a few words from Webster’s dictionary. The professor failed her daughter. Jarratt, believing this to be entirely unfair, called the professor and tried to fix the situation for her daughter. Unsuccessful, she realized it was time to let her child fail.

“I shouldn’t have ever gotten involved, in the end we all learned from the experience, she was on her own, I had to let her be.”Jarratt said.

Many parents have similar experiences trying to shield their children from failure, though in the end, failing can be the best form of learning. Whether it is in school or at home, we all need to become more comfortable with the concept of failure. Though it can be scary, at times heartbreaking, it is the best way for us to learn.